I have debated how much I would share with all of you, but I have decided to make this as much of a journal as I can. I am not whining or being negative, I just simply want to tell you all where I am at in my life at this time.
So much has changed for me over the past year and a half. Personally, I am tired of the changes. I want a little steadiness, but a crave different all at the same time. Even though I am tired, I am ready for an adventure. Even though I have been on an adventure for the past year, I am ready for another one. Wait, no I am not!
See what I mean, this is my life right now. In a state of confusion.
By the way, I am adding pictures to give more visual to the post, not for symbolism. Gotta keep your attention!
First, let me tell you that my mind works all the time. I have a very over active imagination, which causes me to constantly think, over analyze and some times suffer from anxiety. Which makes my brain go into overload as I try to talk myself down. It is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. My overactive thoughts have led me to great confusion as of late.
Last year, when I left my job, it really shook my world. I loved working! I loved teaching! And I especially loved all of the middle school kids I taught. This age often gets a bad rap, but I love them. They are funny, and I was good at what I did. Then I was abruptly taken out of this work that defined me for so long, and placed into full time motherhood. I think that sounds funny. We are always full time mothers, I just had something to take my mind off of it for a few hours a day.
Since that event, I have been searching for my next calling, my next adventure. What I have not taken the time to see is that my next calling is here, at home, with my husband and kids. Why do I feel like it must be out of the home to feel successful? My only conclusion to this is society. We are made to feel less than others if we stay home.
I stopped working, went into full time therapy mode with Little Bit, my husband was deployed, I started home schooling, I started my own business and I began writing two blogs. My husband came home, and we discovered our new found freedom with home schooling, and began to travel with him on all of his trips. I discovered my adventurous side again. Man have I missed that side!
During this time, I have realized how I have let others dictate what I need to do, I have been hurt by friends who have not agreed with what I have done, I have lost friends, and I have begun to question this path that I have taken.
All of the bits of my life work great on their own, they are just not flowing together. My passions are: Faith, being a wife, mother, family, helping others, travel, writing, bits of the past.
I am slowly discovering that I need to care less of what others think, and more for them and where they are at in their lives. I love being a mother and home educator, and I think this was the best choice for my family. I love being a wife and watching my husband live out some of his dreams, and getting to be a part of that. I have found a place at church and will be assisting in the start up of a new ministry there.
All the parts of my new life do actually fit, I just have to accept them. I have to realize I do not have to search for things, they are in front of me and will stay the same or change depending on life at the time. When God brings it. Contentment. Confidence. This is what I am learning.
Over the next few weeks, I will be keeping it real with you how I am focusing on the positive. I will be sharing my mission statement, my passions, and how I have begun to see how they do fit together. I will focus on adoption, the struggles, the joys. I will focus on being a wife, mother and home educator. But most importantly what I have learned from all of it.
I hope that in some way, I can help another who may be feeling the same way and bring a little humor to my over thinking! Through doing this I want to see where God has brought me to remind myself how much I have changed, for the better.
By the way, I went to 10 minutes instead of five! I could not stop thinking!
Love,
Suzy
So much has changed for me over the past year and a half. Personally, I am tired of the changes. I want a little steadiness, but a crave different all at the same time. Even though I am tired, I am ready for an adventure. Even though I have been on an adventure for the past year, I am ready for another one. Wait, no I am not!
See what I mean, this is my life right now. In a state of confusion.
By the way, I am adding pictures to give more visual to the post, not for symbolism. Gotta keep your attention!
First, let me tell you that my mind works all the time. I have a very over active imagination, which causes me to constantly think, over analyze and some times suffer from anxiety. Which makes my brain go into overload as I try to talk myself down. It is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. My overactive thoughts have led me to great confusion as of late.
Since that event, I have been searching for my next calling, my next adventure. What I have not taken the time to see is that my next calling is here, at home, with my husband and kids. Why do I feel like it must be out of the home to feel successful? My only conclusion to this is society. We are made to feel less than others if we stay home.
I stopped working, went into full time therapy mode with Little Bit, my husband was deployed, I started home schooling, I started my own business and I began writing two blogs. My husband came home, and we discovered our new found freedom with home schooling, and began to travel with him on all of his trips. I discovered my adventurous side again. Man have I missed that side!
During this time, I have realized how I have let others dictate what I need to do, I have been hurt by friends who have not agreed with what I have done, I have lost friends, and I have begun to question this path that I have taken.
All of the bits of my life work great on their own, they are just not flowing together. My passions are: Faith, being a wife, mother, family, helping others, travel, writing, bits of the past.
I am slowly discovering that I need to care less of what others think, and more for them and where they are at in their lives. I love being a mother and home educator, and I think this was the best choice for my family. I love being a wife and watching my husband live out some of his dreams, and getting to be a part of that. I have found a place at church and will be assisting in the start up of a new ministry there.
All the parts of my new life do actually fit, I just have to accept them. I have to realize I do not have to search for things, they are in front of me and will stay the same or change depending on life at the time. When God brings it. Contentment. Confidence. This is what I am learning.
I hope that in some way, I can help another who may be feeling the same way and bring a little humor to my over thinking! Through doing this I want to see where God has brought me to remind myself how much I have changed, for the better.
By the way, I went to 10 minutes instead of five! I could not stop thinking!
Love,
Suzy
Visiting you from Gypsy Mama!
ReplyDeleteCompletely Understand!
Embrace your journey as motherhood! It's a blessing.
Looking forward to connecting with you!
Jill
http://www.blessedbeyondadoubt.com/
Just a word from someone who has been where you are now...prepare for when you are not a stay at home mom, educating your children and watching your husband live his dreams. Someday they will grow out from under you, think about what you want life to look like then... I didn't prepare and I "awakened" twenty years later unprepared for the next thing. Never thought about it. I encourage you to. It will be better for you, your husband and your kids. Maybe just keep your teaching certification valid so you can go back to do what you loved! And enjoy the journey! It is awesome. Just a little wisdom from someone calling back. Visiting from FMF. Grace on the 10 minutes :)
ReplyDeleteI was a stay-at-home mom to my two kids, with little side ventures into part-time teaching, real estate and always freelance editing (that I could do from home). It's true what Dea says about your children growing up. Mine are in college/grad school now, and I'm not sure I could find a full-time job after all my years of freelancing. I don't regret my choice to be home with my kids (they have turned out great so far, [fingers crossed]), but I did and still do sometimes struggle with the feeling that I don't pull my weight in terms of contributing to our family income. It's a hard choice to stay home, but you have to do what is right for you and your family. Good luck to you on your continued journey.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the precious moments while they are still little. They grow up so fast! I'm so happy to hear that your family is able to travel together to see this wonderful country.
ReplyDelete